D-ultimate secret storage compartment

I am officially not the only woman in the world who uses her bra as alternate storage to a handbag. At 5am this morning I saw an "as seen on TV" commercial for the SECRET STASH. It's a change purse looking pouch that once full of what-nots, gets tucked into one's bra. I have been doing this for years. Since College actually. Dancing the night away holding a purse is not possible. Thus ... cleavage storage. Over the years it has been my go-to place for all sorts of items. I most often carry money, drivers license, ATM card and keys (yes keys) in my brassier. I do this daily. Other than jeans, most of my pants have no pockets. I cannot carry a purse and chase two kids. So, necessity items get tucked safely into my support system. Over the years I've gotten more discrete with "whipping" stuff out in front of people. Some find my ability to press the side of my chest and unlock the car doors (keys) quite amazing.

When my son was younger he knew I tucked his pacifiers in there when not in use. I often had back ups, too. If he was searching for his "paci" he'd know just where to look.

Once, after an evening out, Joe and I came home. As I disrobed, an assortment of items plummeted as they fell from my brassier. Joe said I appeared to be a pinata. Funny, and true!

Birds of a Feather, Yell together

This is not news. It's quite obvious to anyone who knows me and my girlfriends. We are all very similar with individual differences. However, an obvious similarity is our volume levels. We are all quite LOUD. Oh yeah, I mean loud. Just today I invited a friend to a nail appointment so she could meet and have her nails done by the most fabulous of manicurist (big shout out to you Milan & Andy). Milan and Andy have known me for nearly 12 years. They know some of my friends. This particular one they had not yet met. A silent, tall woman walked in and Andy asked, "is that your friend?" I replied, "oh no, she's much too quite. My friends are loud. You'll know her when she gets here. She will most likely make and entrance." True to form, my dearest arrived with an outburst of happiness and fun. So I guess it is true. Birds of a feather flock loudly together.

Read my ass

I know it's a trend. Juicy Couture has made it famous, but the written word across the butt of girls, teens and young women everywhere is just too much. So, I'm jumping on this rump shaking trend and starting my own line for us 30-somethings and older. Oh, don't worry ladies, your derriere won't spell out "cute" or "princess". This line will broadcast more realistic prose for us grown ups. Such as "Haute Mom", "stressed out", "on strike", "back off", "husband beater", "time out", "kept woman", "needs martini" ... you get the picture. You can even buy custom booty words so everyone at soccer practice knows you are "Trey's Mom". Just because our buttocks may be a little larger, a little less lifted is no reason we can't let our rumps do the talking.

If I had to voice my rear-end opinion today it would be, "butt wiser". I'd have it to match my Panther football gear. Ha!